{"product_id":"secretary-of-defence-heavyweight-crewneck-sweatshirt","title":"Secretary of Defense Heavyweight Crewneck Sweatshirt 🇺🇸 🥅","description":"\u003cdiv\u003eSecretary of Defence\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eRequest denied.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eThe paperwork was filed.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eThe lane was open.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eThe net looked exposed.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eAnd then the meeting started.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eAt the top of the crease stands the Department of Goaltending — calm, square, unreadable — but in front of him is the real security system.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eNo red tape.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eNo negotiations.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eNo appeal process.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eYou can try a deke, a quick release, a desperation move across the crease…\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003ebut before the puck ever reaches the desk, it goes through the enforcer of policy.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eThe crease is restricted airspace.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eThe slot is a controlled zone.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eAnd the man in red isn’t a forward — he’s clearance control.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eEvery attacker believes they’ve found an opening.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eEvery attacker learns the same thing:\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eYou’re not scoring on the goalie…\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003ebecause first you have to get past the Secretary of Defence.\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003eAccess to the net: classified. 🏒\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePlease Note:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOur items run slightly small. We suggest sizing up for a better fit.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAll purchases are final. No returns or refunds. If an exception is granted, a restocking fee may be deducted.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"font-weight: bold; font-size: 20px;\"\u003eSize Chart\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"overflow: auto;\"\u003e\n\u003ctable style=\"width: 1024px;\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; width: 150px;\"\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; background: #F8F8F8; width: 150px;\" colspan=\"2\"\u003eXS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; width: 150px;\" colspan=\"2\"\u003eS\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; background: #F8F8F8; width: 150px;\" colspan=\"2\"\u003eM\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; 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border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; width: 150px;\"\u003ecm\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; width: 150px;\"\u003eChest\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; background: #F8F8F8; width: 150px;\"\u003e20.5 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; background: #F8F8F8; width: 150px;\"\u003e52 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; width: 150px;\"\u003e21.3 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; width: 150px;\"\u003e54 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; background: #F8F8F8; width: 150px;\"\u003e22.0 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; background: #F8F8F8; 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border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; background: #F8F8F8; width: 150px;\"\u003e27.2 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; background: #F8F8F8; width: 150px;\"\u003e69 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; width: 150px;\"\u003e28.0 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; width: 150px;\"\u003e71 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; background: #F8F8F8; width: 150px;\"\u003e28.7 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; background: #F8F8F8; width: 150px;\"\u003e73 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; width: 150px;\"\u003e29.5 \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"font-weight: 400; border: 1px solid #e2e2e2; text-align: center; 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